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Your daughter’s first extended visit home

Just as you've started figuring out what to do with the extra space and how to deal with the quiet, your daughter will be home for an extended stay. Even though she may have been home for a weekend or two, this is the first time you will have several days together and it will be a time of adjustment and re-acquaintance.

Parents and guardians are sometimes shocked by how much their daughters change in the first semester of college. Much of the change stems from developing an independent lifestyle and finding a persona that fits. What you see at Thanksgiving is a blending of many different experiments and experiences. Try not to be alarmed at the change.

Remember that things at home have changed for your daughter, too, and she may feel a little insecure. For instance, things in the house may have been rearranged or added, siblings haven't been an issue for several months, and there's the struggle with the former rules that guided her life in high school.

Here are some helpful hints for surviving the vacation periods:

  • Expect your daughter to sleep… a lot. She's most likely exhausted from papers and exams prior to the vacation, as well as her active social life in the residence halls.
  • Establish new rules for you and your daughter. Discuss things such as use of the car, curfews, and information sharing. Make sure you explain why there are new rules and why they are important.
  • Talk in advance about family obligations over the vacation period. Make sure your daughter knows that the family will be spending time with relatives outside of her time with her friends.
  • Discuss your expectations of household chores. Will your daughter be expected to do her own laundry or assist with other things around the house?
  • Finally, your daughter will want to show her independence. If her approach toward you has changed, try not to take her new attitude to heart… she just wants you to know that she is an independent young woman. Even so, she still needs your guidance. Finding the right balance will take time and patience.